I’m sure it’s not just me, but if no one else wants to admit it then I will. I hate unsolicited advice. It can be as minuscule as someone saying “Oh, but you’re so pretty!” when I mention wanting to lose weight to my recent irritation of venting to friends about my lack of patience with certain things in my life. Sometimes, I just need you to hear me.
Now, I also had a moment where I had to check myself. I am a firm believer in God. I have faith that His will includes more for me than my current situation, however I get a little impatient. When I voice this, I’m not discrediting His will or saying I don’t believe in it…I’m just impatient!
I don’t need the whole “be patient or be humble or pray” speech. I don’t need you to tell me what I should be doing. I just need you to listen.
I know. Life doesn’t always work that way. It’s even more irritating to my impatience that most of the time, the unsolicited advice is right. This is a learning opportunity for me. Why am I so irritated?
This one really doesn’t need more of an explanation. I can pull dozens of my blogs where I’ve told you that writing is therapeutic. Getting my feelings and thoughts out before discussing it with someone can erase so much unnecessary noise. It’s funny because I had a guy tell me to stop talking about certain things and when I smartly asked what I was supposed to do since he didn’t want to hear my issues, he said, “Write it down.”
After I laughed out of anger, I realized he was right. Writing has never failed me. So why do I continue to vent to people who probably don’t care or do care but just are honestly tired of me? I can write it down first to process my feelings. If my thoughts can’t clear themselves up…well.
State your intentions
Sometimes the writing vent session doesn’t work. To my friends, I go! I have different groups of friends for different things. Not that I have to act differently with any of them, but some I talk business with, some I talk personal development with, some I talk about tv shows and celebrities with. If after I write it down and I still need feel like I’m going to pop, I come to them with… “Now, I need to vent!” In the event that I want their opinion, my statement starts different. “Am I tripping? What you think?”
Those are two different conversations, but it lets them know that I need just a head nod and occasional, “That’s messed up.” or I need them to be brutally honest and get me together. For everything there is a season. Maybe your friends don’t know yours. Be intentional with your conversations so you don’t have to walk away feeling more salty because you got some advice you didn’t ask for.
Take it for what it’s worth
And even when you do get unsolicited advice. Don’t be mad about it! (Christian!) If you know the heart of the person who gave the advice, think about it and see if any of it applies. Be honest with yourself. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, oh well. Let’s move on. Their unsolicited advice shouldn’t affect your life if it has no merit. In my case, most of the time it does. It’s just a reality check that I’m tripping and sometimes I don’t want that V-8 head smack just yet. Oh well…get over it.
How do you deal with unsolicited advice? Do you ignore it or heed to it?