You’ve been seeing a guy for months, maybe even years. You aren’t exclusive, but only on paper. You do everything together and it seems like a long term thing, but then it happens: you start arguing, seeing each other less, and eventually you break up.
But it’s not a break up. You were never in a relationship. Can you still be hurt? Is this still something you need to recover from?
You have just ended what this generation calls a “situationship.” If you’ve ever said, “We aren’t together, but we act like it,” “We don’t do labels,” “It’s complicated,” or anything to that natural, you were in a situationship. It’s somewhere in between, we’re just friends and casually dating and an official relationship. I don’t want to say we’re together, but my feelings seem to have forgotten that fact after the first couple of months of this whole situation.
Experiencing these situationships and taking them for what they are worth is important if you ever want to have a healthy, committed relationship in the future. Here’s how.
Delete the call log so you know it’s real
Erase the contact. Block the number beforehand if you need to. Delete the voicemails, text messages, DMS, whatever. Just get rid of it. You may be angry enough right now not to reminisce, but what happens a week or a month from now when you’re bored or lonely? You don’t need those messages to remind you of a time when you “had someone.” Out of sight, out of mind is perfect in these situations. The only reason you are emotional is because of time spent anyway. If you follow this person on social media, hit the unfollow button and commit to not checking their page to see if they are posting something about you or worst…moving on and living life.
Get a hobby
Boredom is truly the number one gateway drug to going back to a situationship. You can be completely over that person, but don’t let you get bored! You start thinking of reaching out just for a conversation, which turns into a whole ‘nother year of dealing with the same mess….Feel yourself getting bored? Go work out. Read a book. Catch up on your favorite TV show. Start a new hobby. Do something other than what you are thinking of doing. I promise, it gets easier.
Let it go
Baby. You are alive. You are breathing. You are thriving. All without that person you thought you couldn’t do without. Don’t take that for granted. You don’t have to be evil or vindictive if you feel like you’ve been wronged. You don’t have to feel bad or guilty if you feel like you were at fault. Wish them well (genuinely) and let it go. Don’t be upset if they get into a real, committed relationship. Don’t be low key happy if they turn out to be miserable. Forget about them. Focus on you.
A lot of situationships develop from really close friendships. Sometimes you even deal with it so long because you don’t want to lose a friend. Decide if the friendship is worth salvaging and then set boundaries. You may have to take a break from all communication for a while, just to get back to a platonic level, but if you both respect that the situationship is over, your friendship should come out okay.
Have you successfully gotten over a situationship? Share your tips.